Not all of us are good at asking for help. Some studies show that many people wait until they feel overwhelmed to ask for help, whilst others say they never ask for help at all. Some people however – according to a UK study of 2000 participants in the UK – ask for help twice a week, totaling 104 times per year. We’re all different; some of us feel comfortable asking for help, whilst others shy away from seeking out guidance. Sometimes this is due to fear of seeming weak or silly in front of others, sometimes it’s because our childhood experiences lead us to believe we should know how to fend for ourselves, and sometimes it’s because we think we ‘should’ know how to handle life and all its challenges. Scrolling through social media, it can be easy to feel as though others have it all figured out, but in truth, many of us struggle with stress, anxiety, loneliness and other mental health challenges, and would really benefit from more support. In this blog, you’ll learn the 5 best ways to show up for and support others in a sensitive, subtle and caring way, because those who need it most may not be the ones asking for it.
How To Tell When Someone Needs Help
One of the most difficult things about supporting those in need, is that often the signs aren’t clear. Us humans are talented at hiding our emotions, hiding sadness and deep angst behind a forced smile and an “I’m fine thanks, how are you?” response. Mental health charities list a few ways we can tell that a friend or loved one may be in need of help, and these points can be useful to look out for:
- Struggling to work, parent or keep up at home
- Unable to handle stress with normal coping strategies
- Difficulty maintaining a healthy appetite or experiencing significant weight loss
- Using drugs or alcohol to cope
- Engaging in risk-taking behaviours
- Unable to focus
- Sleeplessness
- Lack of interest in activities that once brought enjoyment
- Panic attacks
- Fear of being around others, even children or family
- Mistrust of people they normally confided in or counted on
- A sense of guilt and unworthiness
- Restlessness or agitation
- Anger and violent outbursts
(Research from Anthem.com)
Whether someone you care about shows these signs or not however, it’s always useful to know how to support others on a day-to-day basis, to show we really care. Here are 5 ways to truly show up for someone:
Let Them Know You’re There When They’re Ready
Trying to force someone to speak their mind can easily cause them to back away and shut off, so start by simply letting them know you’re there for them. Allow others to take things at their own pace, opening up when they’re ready. Let them know they’re not alone, and that you’ll be there for them when the time is right. A text message, private social media message or a few quick words face-to-face can make a world of difference to help someone simply know they have someone to turn to.
Ask Twice
The response “I’m fine” seems to be programmed deep into our brains, but it isn’t always the truth. The mental health charity Time To Change promotes using the ‘ask twice’ tactic when speaking to others, giving them space to share how they really feel. They say; ‘Many people experience a mental health problem, so if a mate says they’re fine, they might not be. A second ‘how are you?’ can make all the difference.’ When you ask how someone really feels, give them your full attention and practice listening deeply – allowing them to speak without interrupting or interjecting. Journaling can be a great way to write about how you’re really feeling, aiding in finding the words to express what’s on your mind. Perhaps offer the advice of beginning a journaling practice with the How To Find Your Happy Place journal, created especially for busy minds.
Be Prepared
If you notice someone at work is struggling, research tips from The Work Wellness Deck, with 60 simple practices to de-stress and recharge wherever you are at work, so you’re able to offer some effective support such as breathing exercises to manage stress, or a gratitude practice to focus on the positives. The School of Life Emotional Barometer Cards can also help us get a clearer understanding of our own inner ‘emotional weather’, providing definitions of emotions such as ‘weepy’, ‘nostalgic’, ‘anxious’ or ‘dreamy’ so we can pin-point and describe how we’re feeling more effectively. The better we’re able to understand ourselves, the more we may be able to support others and help them understand how they’re feeling too.
Get Moving
Sharing our feelings with someone else can be challenging enough, let alone doing it face-to-face. This is why ‘walk and talk therapy’ can be a more effective way to help someone open up and offload their emotional burden. Research shows it can be easier for some people to talk about how they feel when they’re walking alongside someone, rather than sitting opposite them. You can show your support for someone in need by simply inviting them for a walk, combining the benefits of exercise, social support and even time spent in nature if your walk is in a natural environment. For more ideas on how to support others and practice building your compassion, kindness and joy, read The School of Life’s A More Loving World, which serves as a valuable reminder of how much humans long for love and connection.
Practice Karma Yoga
There’s a concept within the yogic texts known as karma yoga, whereby we do a good action without expecting recognition or anything in return. Sometimes, the best way we can support others is to simply do them a favour discreetly, without wanting anything in return. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, even small tasks such as cleaning or food shopping can become stressful, yet these ‘simple’ tasks are the ones we neglect to ask for help with. Offering to help with cleaning, to do the weekly food shop, or run a few errands for a loved one can help take the pressure off them, and allow them a little more headspace. Making a healthy meal and dropping it off to someone in need also can be an incredibly thoughtful way to support anyone feeling overwhelmed, particularly new mothers or those who find it difficult to find time to feed themselves nourishing foods. You’ll find plenty of health-boosting recipes in The Immunity Cookbook by Kate Llewellyn-Waters.
Learn more about Karma Yoga in Karma & Karma Yoga by Swami Naranjanananda, or Good Karma by Simone & Adi Raihmann, which features over 100 small positive actions to help make the world a better place.
Supporting others doesn’t need to be daunting or scary, and it may just be one of the best things you do all week. Choose the support tips that resonate with you most, so you can show up for others and help make the world a more caring, connected and supportive place.
